Day 4, (May 21, 2013): CLEANING

            There are just some days when I have this strange urge to clean the area around me. More often than not, these urges are constituted by the fact that I have my mother breathing down my neck with some focused killing resolve. Given the multitude of these circumstances of coercion, I have devised an optimal system that will present the said area as a ‘clean’ area with minimal effort on my end. I believe that these tips will be helpful to those who wish to create an illusion of cleanliness in their surrounding areas.

1. Make as much floor/desk/bed area visible – Too many times have I heard cries of shock and amazement from people who enter my room being able to walk unhindered across my rug. A simple trick that will get anyone who enters a previously ‘messy’ room into believing a false sense of freedom while traversing the area.
2. Stash your junk somewhere else – Another common tactic employed by those of the lazy pack rat. Move from a noticeable location A to discreet location B. Use this only if you really don’t have any intention of getting rid of that dirty old sock you use as an unmentionable but everyone insists you get rid of it.
3. Dust it where it counts – Ever had those annoying moments where someone would run their finger along the edge of your desk and just look so disappointed with the amount of grime? Very rarely would someone actually do the same gesture underneath your drawers or under your bed. So just make sure you clean the area most obvious to the passing inspector.
4. Don’t announce that you’re done – This leaves some room to improvise with some magical bullshit. When le inspektor checks out the place and says that it’s still dirty just say that you’re not yet done and you’re just taking a break. Otherwise, they would be amazed at neat you managed to make your little hovel in the wall look and leave you to your own devices.